Being willing and the challenge threshold
If the cycle in the image above is at all familiar to you, you are not alone. And you also know how frustrating and unsatisfying repeating this cycle over and over can feel.
For years I was repeating this cycle with out understanding why or knowing how to change my behavior. I was rarely at a loss for ideas but very rarely ever completed any of my grand projects. This includes two attempts at college degrees.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t smart enough, capable enough, motivated, inspired, or that I lacked any particular hard skill. It simply came down to presence and willingness.
You see, so often when we are dreaming up ideas that excite us we are playing around in the high energy, low density world of visionary reality. We can call it using our imagination, day dreaming, visioning, etc. In this space we can do anything we can conjure in our minds. We can fly, swim like the dolphins and climb the biggest, baddest mountains in mere minutes.
We can envision our path from new student; to graduation day; to the first day at our dream job; to sitting on the back deck of our immaculate vacation home with our beautiful life partner all in one flowing, energized thought.
It’s fun and exciting and so nourishing and necessary. It’s in that space that we’re able to shed the weight of physical reality and fly untethered. The truth of who we are and our grandest visions of what’s possible can merge. We can connect with the gifts that we have to contribute to the world.
But, it’s at the transition from visionary reality to physical reality, from imagining our ideas and vision to actually doing things in ‘real life,’ that the metaphorical shit hits the fan.
Physical reality is heavy and dense (not that I have to tell you that). It’s where ideas and visions can take physical form and become real. But that often takes work, a lot of it.
The trouble is that we so often aren’t prepared to deal with the sudden, often abrupt shift from this glorious, flowing, high energy experience of visionary reality into the heavy, dense, relatively slow experience of physical reality. We quickly realize that the vision we have is going to take way more time and energy than we ever imagined. It’s also inevitable that, because life is so unpredictable, we will run into issues and challenges we never imagined.
And this is where the wheels would start to come off for me. As I would begin to work on the project that was born from such a wonderful idea, it would dawn on me that things weren’t going to be as easy as I had hoped and thoughts of worry and doubt would begin to creep in. But of course we know that things are rarely as easy as they may seem. So I would double down on my efforts and plow ahead. Thinking that grit and bullheadedness would see me through.
Then, the inevitable would happen. Some big, unforeseen challenge would emerge.
The permit I needed for the guide company I was envisioning cost 10X what I thought it would and was difficult to obtain. The process to become a full-time paid firefighter would take years longer and much more training and sacrifice than I imagined. You get the idea.
It is so universal and natural and yet can feel so demoralizing and isolating at the time.
And this is the critical moment.
But this is the moment where we get to chose what attributes of who we are that we want to demonstrate. We can chose what it is we want to focus on. Because, without fail, when we set out to go for something big and important to us we will meet a threshold.
We can see this threshold as a threat or a challenge.
Here’s an example of how the situation went for me with the guide company.
Almost 10 years ago I noticed there was a potential need for a mountain guiding service in the area I was living. I had a few seasons of guiding under my belt and had a vision of creating this amazing company where I could spend my days taking people into the mountains that I love so dearly.
As I imagined all the possibilities of this new venture my energy, motivation and inspiration were through the roof! I was so excited I could barely contain myself.
Then I started the actual work of researching and building a guiding business. I’ll spare you the details as I’m sure many of you know the grind starting a small business can be but, let’s just say, it wasn’t as fun as I imagined. And of course I started hitting roadblocks.
A certain area I thought would be great for clients was closed to commercial trips. Another area was already permitted to another outfitter. Then the big hit. I found out all of the permits in any of the areas feasible to guide in my home mountains were already owned and there was essentially a bidding war that had driven prices to absurd amounts. It would be a minimum of $50,000 to even be in the game.
Well, I’m human and I didn’t have that kind of money readily available, so needless to say I was crushed.
My focus and thoughts immediately went to how unfair the situation was. How absurd it was that the Forest Service and other governing bodies could let the situation get so out of control. What a tragedy it was that a few wealthy folks could create a barrier for so many others to experience such an amazing landscape.
My worries and doubts came flooding in. “Even if I could get a permit, could I handle running a business?” “The universe must be telling me something. It shouldn’t be this hard!” I succumbed to the doubts and came to the conclusion that it was too big of a hurdle and my idea must not be meant to be. And I heard the death rattle of my dying dream.
Of course I can look at these thoughts and probably find truth and justification. I had plenty of evidence to back up my opinions.
The thing is, what I couldn’t see at the time is that this “hiccup, hurdle, bump in the road, challenge, pain in the ass, this…threshold, is just a part of the process and is exactly what makes anything important in life worth doing.
It was an opportunity for me to demonstrate who I truly am. To grow, learn and expand my skill set and knowledge.
Rather than be open and looking for solutions, I quickly became overwhelmed and shut down.
I see the irony of the situation now. As mountain climbers in order to test our skills and see where we can improve me must find bigger more challenging mountains to climb. This is one of the things that I loved about guiding. I got to take people out to face their metaphorical and literal “mountain” and watch them stretch beyond a current comfort level and expand with greater clarity and self-confidence.
And yet, here I was, presented with a mountainous challenge in business and all I could focus on was how unfair and insurmountable it was.
At the time it occurred as more of a threat than a challenge. The external circumstances I was experiencing felt very personal and unfair. When our brain feels we are being threatened in any way it automatically goes into the default response of fight, flight or freeze in an attempt to protect us.
This is a wonderful response system that has kept countless humans safe and alive for millennia (especially in the mountains). But when we are not actually in imminent danger, it really throws a wrench in the works.
If we are able to be present and willing to look at the truth of a situation we can very often choose to experience it as a challenge rather than a threat. This is huge, because when we make this shift our brain has a remarkably easier time staying open and engaged to finding solutions and possibilities.
As Sarah Warren writes in her article, Good vs. Bad Stress: The Critical Difference Between Challenge and Threat.
“A challenge is a potential stressor that we feel we can handle. When we think of a situation as a challenge, we’re focused on the positive: the rewards or personal growth we’ll attain when we succeed.”
“A threat is a potential stressor that we feel we cannot handle. When we see a situation as a threat, we’re focused on the negative—the potential damage to our well-being or self-esteem—because we believe we won’t be able to succeed.”
So if you have experienced a similar situation in your life and would like to do things differently the next time, try this:
Remember, it’s totally normal and natural! It’s part of the process and likely a sign that you’re up to something big and important and your are expanding your current comfort zone!
Ask yourself, “Am I in any imminent danger?” If the answer is no (and it likely is.) then be present to your experience. What is your body doing? Sweaty palms? Butterflies in your stomach? Heart pounding? All of this is a natural response to a challenging situation. It’s your body revving up to meet the challenge!
Take a deep breath. Remind yourself that this is, in fact, what you signed up for. It’s part of the process and you are learning, growing and moving closer to something important to you! Reconnect with what inspired you in the first place, when the dream was floating in visionary reality.
Be willing! Willing to sit in the discomfort of what’s unknown and uncertain. Willing to consistently take small steps forward. Willing to demonstrate who you really are and what you bring to the table.
Be willing to believe that whatever challenge that presents you have what it takes to work through it.
5. Ask for support! We humans are so often reluctant to admit
when we need help. Just remember that, we all have dreams
and goals. We all want to do great things in this world. When
youask for support you are allowing someone to contribute to
your journey and to help build your dreams. What a gift!
So the next time things start to feel overwhelming and insurmountable in your current project, job or relationship, remember that you’re likely at a critical threshold. It is tempting to abandon the current project and jump to something more exciting but hang in there. This part of the process is normal and something that all of us face at some point when trying to do cool stuff in life.
When we recognize that the discomfort we’re experiencing is a sign that we are up to something important we can relax into it and open our eyes for the next small step to take in the journey.
